Marriage Matters Blog

Marriage Matters Blog, 005

Expectations

Expectations are not inherently bad- they are the standard we hold for our lives. Challenges arise in marriage when expectations are unspoken. Unspoken expectations are a recipe for resentment.

Unmet expectations lead to frustration. Unrealistic expectations lead to feelings of inadequacy.

Let's talk about the way forward for your marriage today:

Stay away from the 'mind reader' trap. This trap leads people to think, "If they truly loved me, I wouldn't have to ask for..." Yes, it would be great if they could read your mind all the time, but they can't. They aren't a mind reader or robot; they're a spouse who loves you. They grew up in a home that handled love, roles, expectations, and conflict much differently than you.

Avoid the 'high-pressure' trap. This trap leads to expecting your spouse to be your sole source of happiness and fulfillment in life. That's way too much pressure.

Lastly, be clear about what is foundational and what is preference in your marriage.

• Foundational- love, respect, kindness, forgiveness.
• Preference- "I would prefer if you loaded the dishwasher this way." (Yes, anything dishwasher related is a preference!)

Aim to experience and meet foundational expectations daily. Choose gratitude rather than expectation any time your spouse meets a preference.

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